Jan. 17th, 2015

nemonixon: (Default)
I'm back here for a while. I just need to write freely. Even a blog is too open, too much. This is just for me. And people who have known me long enough that they aren't going to judge.

I'm in a really bad way, emotionally. This last year of trying to get my shit together post college, has actually just been a spiral of loss and rejection and resentment. I just keep thinking that there was some kind of social contract they told us about, school, college, job, content. And I decided, a bit late, to buy in. Just to...feel like a normal person. I want to know what that is. And, that's not happening.

I don't know how much longer I can live without a win. I'm trying, at least I can say that, but I keep having this phrase run through my head, "They call them losers; not because they don't try, but because they can't win."

It might end up in a book someday, if I make it that far.

Deleted my FB for a while. I'll go back in a bit.

Trying to get sober. Trying not to smoke. Trying not to smoke pot. I'm two for three, but the booze. Shit that's hard.

I wish I had something better to say.

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Nemonixon

May 2017

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